The Beginning is Aware of the End

Please tell me you’ll make a dent.
I am tired of relationships that end
without pain, without an ending. Fizzle
due to a lack of heat to begin with. Fizzle
into an ending that was obvious from the start.

I want a relationship that I know will hurt if it ends,
that will leave me broken. Only then will I know
that I have felt deeply. Only then will I know
that it was worth it. I want to be whole
with someone that might break me,
not because I like to be broken
but because I like to be whole.

And I know I can be whole again
after a breaking, for I have done it already,
and I can do it again.

Be that potential for hurt with me.
Be that potential for love.

/michal

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Excess

It is not a question of
Whether you were enough
Or not,
Too much,
Or not.

You exceed quantities, go beyond
Into questions of
Whether you were fitting,
My self with yours
Or not,
Fits too well,
Or not.

These are questions of relation
Which means there are two
Trying to be one,
Or not.

So question not your worth
For it exceeds my words
And consumes me
To propel me forward,
Or not.

/michal

Packets of Time: Particle Theory of Love

I am waiting for enough moments
to pass until
I am no longer fighting urges
to call him.

I go through the motions of my day,
slowly unfreezing,
hurriedly wondering,
at what point is it acceptable for me
to be light again?

Some days have lighter moments
which cloud over with guilt:
How dare I be okay?
What about him?
Is he okay?

I am waiting for enough moments
to combine until
I start stitching myself back up,
through packets of time.

/michal

Lingering

The hope is gone but the love remains.
You are gone and do I remain?

I wish I knew that our last
moment together
was our last.
I would have been slower,
and I would have closed the door
before you could leave.

But then it ended.

I leave the door open, still
waiting
for the love to go
along with you.

/michal

New Knowledge

Who knew
That the first time you tell a man you love him
Is after you have broken up with him
And you’re just trying to be honest

Who knew
That you could be in love and unhappy
And have to choose
Which one matters more

/michal

How the Story Goes, How You Go

I knew I loved you when we went swimming
And you read poems to me from the Icelandic book I got you
And we saw that raccoon
And I wore your sweater
And you hated the cold water
And you were sick
But I kissed you anyway
Knowing that I was in love.

I left you
A month later
Still in love
Knowing I would see you again.

And you wrote to me
Months later
Looking to see where I have gone.
I tried to show you but I felt too much
And you said too much
So I left you again
Still in love.

I knocked on your door
A month ago
Asking to try again
And we did, but I was unhappy.
I have left you, one final time
Still in love
With you you you(.)

/michal