My unripe self-love is overcome by the flaws I find, I search for.
I long to soothe, to sing myself to sleep, but 1AM stretches out
Longer than a day.
The greenness of the relationship I have with myself
Is ever so slightly warming up.
A colour of yellow or orange or maybe even a tint of red.
I try to hold all the pieces together until they are ready;
Until the glue between the cracks is just a little bit harder,
Just a little bit stronger.
You take out my hair-dryer from the bottom drawer
And offer to help harden the glue;
Ripen my self-love.
I hear the clock, I hear your breath.
I hear the birds, unbound by time.
The cars go by on the one-way street
All headed to the same place (somewhere far).
I hear my thoughts.
I hear the wind.
(I wonder if they are the same).
I wish to breathe, to remain still,
But the future whispers impatiently my name.
To love the entirety of you
In its unified fusion
(To me, to yourself?)
Your outlined shadow full
I care not
About the holes in you.
I care only
For the whole of you.
To love each part of you
Even those unknown
(To me, to you?)
Their outlined shadows fill your soul
I fear not
To know you.
Not to know you.
I look at you and notice
The cells we’ve made
That contain us
Alone. I look at my hands
And wonder if they’re strong enough
To break my cell
And everyone else’s too.
A hand that prides itself on softness.
When I close my eyes,
The cell remains.
When I breathe for myself,
The cell dissolves.
Let me catch my breath for a moment.
Let me feel that I am temporary.
Like carrying a preventative umbrella on a sunny day
I tell you my flaws before you kiss me
Because you never know
If they’ll want to know you
are they flaws?
are they flawed?)
I evade myself
To find someone better.
Perhaps in another,
Perhaps in a lie.
I dance into another
Heavily trying to be light.
But he laughs at everything I say
Forgiving of – or oblivious to –
The me inside of me, hiding.
I’m not sure what was my
When I exposed to you this
Of myself, told to you unapologetically
It is not a question of
Whether you were enough
You exceed quantities, go beyond
Into questions of
Whether you were fitting,
My self with yours
Fits too well,
These are questions of relation
Which means there are two
Trying to be one,
So question not your worth
For it exceeds my words
And consumes me
To propel me forward,