Ballad of the research student

To whom it may concern, I am a student in my prime
who takes great interest in your field; I long to spend my time
working in your lab – I’m good at science, after all –
I love me some statistics, I work hard and I don’t stall!
Playing many sports at once has taught me how to plan
and I’ve read all your papers – trust me, I’m your biggest fan!
All my volunteering’s taught me how to be mature –
with me on your team I know that you’ll find all the cures.

…To whom it may concern, I’m just a teen afraid to fail;
maybe if you hire me, I’ll finally exhale!
If by some chance I do succeed, then maybe I can die
as part of a solution, not a cashier selling pie.
Playing many sports has taught me how to give up sleep
and I’ve stalked you on Linkedin like a true internet creep.
My busy, involved schedule has robbed me of my friends
so damn, I hope this job works out as well as I intend!


PS. I did end up getting a research assistant position, although funnily enough this was not the cover letter I submitted to the professor in question.

PPS. The “teen” part is no longer accurate, though I wrote this when I was still a teen… now I don’t have that excuse for being bad at being an adult anymore… grr.