Shifting Clouds

Like carrying a preventative umbrella on a sunny day
I tell you my flaws before you kiss me
Because you never know
If they’ll want to know you
(who’s they?
are they flaws?
are they flawed?)

/michal

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Excess

It is not a question of
Whether you were enough
Or not,
Too much,
Or not.

You exceed quantities, go beyond
Into questions of
Whether you were fitting,
My self with yours
Or not,
Fits too well,
Or not.

These are questions of relation
Which means there are two
Trying to be one,
Or not.

So question not your worth
For it exceeds my words
And consumes me
To propel me forward,
Or not.

/michal

Conversations with My Father

It’s not your fault that you told me to go on a diet when I was 7. It’s not your fault that you told me I looked 4 months pregnant after a holiday meal. It’s not your fault for yelling at my mom for eating 3 grapes after dinner. It’s not your fault that you look me up and down when I come home, checking to see that I am still skinny and within your standards.

It’s my fault for remembering.

Right?

You tell me to take myself less seriously.

/michal

Remedies

On our last night you asked me
What I didn’t like about my body.
I got frustrated
(Too many things to list)
Why would anyone ask that?

You wanted to kiss all the parts
I didn’t like
Until I would like them.

So I named a few parts
And you put your head under the sheets
And kissed them until I fell asleep.

Today I want to tell you
Which parts I don’t like
(The parts my father pointed out to me)
But you aren’t here to kiss me any longer.
(Let me heal myself)

/michal

to live in hope

‘worthless’
is a heavy brand
to shake off

when i forget it is there
and dive into the waves
for the love of life

it catches me up
like stones in my pockets,
turns my dance of joy
into a suicide mission.

is it enough
to live in hope
that the times between
the moment it slips from me
and its crushing reminder
become incrementally longer? that kicking
and thrashing against
its pact with gravity
might make me

feel, for the moment,
more alive?

/cristina