We Search the Horizon

A painting with a quotation from the beautiful mind Dr. Rita Charon (specifically, her book Narrative Medicine: Honoring the Stories of Illness)

We search the horizon … seeking ways to recognize ourselves and those around us, yearning to place ourselves within space and time (and infinity), dramatizing our stuborn beliefs that life means something and that we ourselves matter.

Rita Charon Painting

/michal

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Packets of Time: Particle Theory of Love

I am waiting for enough moments
to pass until
I am no longer fighting urges
to call him.

I go through the motions of my day,
slowly unfreezing,
hurriedly wondering,
at what point is it acceptable for me
to be light again?

Some days have lighter moments
which cloud over with guilt:
How dare I be okay?
What about him?
Is he okay?

I am waiting for enough moments
to combine until
I start stitching myself back up,
through packets of time.

/michal

New Knowledge

Who knew
That the first time you tell a man you love him
Is after you have broken up with him
And you’re just trying to be honest

Who knew
That you could be in love and unhappy
And have to choose
Which one matters more

/michal

Time and Again

My future was once present.
But now,
I no longer know.
It slipped away like a memory
Crumbled like a lie
I tell myself.

Who am I without my future?
What defines you, if not the path you are on?
The person you are,
In part,
Is the person you want to become.

So I lost myself,
Yet again,
To my own reflection.

I took my own definition
And appreciation of myself
And cr-
ush-
ed
it
Softly
Single-handedly
(In an act of honesty,
I thought).

So I am empty,
Yet again.

So I start over,
Yet again.

I have to heal the cracks
To be able to fill without leaking
And mold into my own shape,
Yet again,
Yet anew.

 

/michal