We Search the Horizon

A painting with a quotation from the beautiful mind Dr. Rita Charon (specifically, her book Narrative Medicine: Honoring the Stories of Illness)

We search the horizon … seeking ways to recognize ourselves and those around us, yearning to place ourselves within space and time (and infinity), dramatizing our stuborn beliefs that life means something and that we ourselves matter.

Rita Charon Painting


Packets of Time: Particle Theory of Love

I am waiting for enough moments
to pass until
I am no longer fighting urges
to call him.

I go through the motions of my day,
slowly unfreezing,
hurriedly wondering,
at what point is it acceptable for me
to be light again?

Some days have lighter moments
which cloud over with guilt:
How dare I be okay?
What about him?
Is he okay?

I am waiting for enough moments
to combine until
I start stitching myself back up,
through packets of time.


New Knowledge

Who knew
That the first time you tell a man you love him
Is after you have broken up with him
And you’re just trying to be honest

Who knew
That you could be in love and unhappy
And have to choose
Which one matters more


Peaceful afterthoughts

It seems I’ve reached the point
where instead of moving towards
what are promised to be

the most beautiful years of my life

I am moving through them, past them
onward and away
while still feeling myself to be waiting.

My efforts are disjointed,
a futile writhing

against that which does not even need

to push back
because it has already won.
Yet really

the most beautiful moments of my life

are the ones waiting.
They wait for me to notice them
in the chords of a song, in peaceful afterthoughts,

in windy nights by the lake, city humming
with life in the distance, boats rocking, sails writhing

against thin air.


Time and Again

My future was once present.
But now,
I no longer know.
It slipped away like a memory
Crumbled like a lie
I tell myself.

Who am I without my future?
What defines you, if not the path you are on?
The person you are,
In part,
Is the person you want to become.

So I lost myself,
Yet again,
To my own reflection.

I took my own definition
And appreciation of myself
And cr-
(In an act of honesty,
I thought).

So I am empty,
Yet again.

So I start over,
Yet again.

I have to heal the cracks
To be able to fill without leaking
And mold into my own shape,
Yet again,
Yet anew.